"Sherriff's order destroys home"
The gist of it is that a mobile home was being moved with a tractor that broke down and blocked traffic for hours. The local sherriff stepped in and had two other tractors ram it to get it off the road, essentially desroying it. My favorite bit:
Barton, and the extended web of friends and family who lived with her, claim authorities didn't give them time to clear out a house full of furniture, much less clothing and the things that can't be replaced such as pictures, favorite toys and baseball card collections. [Extended web? Is this like Charlotte?]
Barton's boyfriend, Alan Gaunce, no relation to Jim [whose front yard the trailer now sits in], said somebody — he's not sure who — told him he'd be shot if he didn't get out of the trailer before it was toppled. Barton, a grandma at 35 with gold streaks in red hair, tearfully contends that Nicholas County Sheriff Dick Garrett "showed no respect for my home" when he ultimately ordered two tractors to ram the thing and set it on its side. [Sure he isn't related. A grandma at 35? Holy crap!]
On the other hand, Garrett, a wiry chain-smoker who ran for re-election with the slogan of "More 'Dick' in 2006," maintains that anybody who thinks it's a fine plan to pay somebody $200 to move their 25-year-old home, all their belongings, and a passel of pets with a farm tractor can't exactly complain when things go wrong. [I would've voted for that slogan.]
"I know I wouldn't pay somebody $200 to move my house and everything in it," said Garrett, noting that the group didn't have a required permit or escort. Basically, he said, he could have arrested the lot of them: Barton, her brood and the hauler. The charge, he said: "being ignorant." [My favorite line in the whole thing.]
To be fair, the partial closing of U.S. 68 for some nine hours on a Friday night is pretty major in Nicholas County, where Garrett Tuesday was reviewing a Mayberry-like constituent call concerning a thwarted attempt to snatch a fresh cherry pie from a kitchen. [What the...? Are you serious?]
He said he did all he could think of to salvage the mobile home, but had to get the road clear. "It's a federal highway," said Garrett, who stood in the rain from roughly 4:30 p.m. Friday until 2 a.m. directing traffic with the rest of his force, a single deputy. ["His force" doesn't seem like the best word to describe one person!]
About 1½ miles into the move, the tires popped off. Sheriff Garrett said he's heard that somebody warned the group the tires would be loose and they should stop the move. He said Barton insisted on going ahead. [This is a classic hillbilly story. "The tars done popped off again, paw!"]
The family, a mishmash of real kin and unofficially adopted kids, teens and young adults, are crammed into a smaller trailer while Barton tries to sort through it all. [Kin? KIN? What the hell kind of journalist uses the word 'kin?' Also, where did these 'unofficially adopted kids' come from? Are they just wandering around the countryside in bands?]
Jim Gaunce, an amiable great-grandfather, watched most of it unfold from his rocker in a sunny living room with windows so spotless birds frequently thud into the glass while trying to fly through. [What the hell is the purpose of this!]
Truly, this is my favorite news story in a while.
4 comments:
That was beautiful. I like my life again. :)
Nice find. So how old was the "unrelated" great-grandfather, you think? 42? I think this could cost the sheriff re-election. How many voters were likely related to this home-owner?
I laughed and laughed. Absolutely classic!
I think those kids come to my youth group.
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