spring break

Talk to you all in a week or so!





Who am I kidding? My parents have internet!

robert jordan and my spring break reading

As I was "planning" this morning, I decided to check out a couple of the books from A Song of Ice and Fire by George R. R. Martin. It's a series that outshines Jordan's in style and "literariness," but Wheel of Time is still a sentimental favorite. Anyway, I decided that I would get on a website about Martin's series to refresh my memory of the 1st book, and I happened upon some fan news that Jordan was recently diagnosed as having a blood disease called Amyloidosis. There's some information about the survival rate in his post, but the long and short of it is that there is a chance of his living for several more decades.

I knew something like this was going to happen. He does promise that he will finish the last book in the series, and that's what's important, right? You know, that sentence exposes an enormous flaw in English writing. In Spanish you can place question marks around certain parts of a sentence, but we have to make it all or nothing. It's a stupid thing, ¿don't you think?

stupid politician of the day

How's this for a fearless, bright leader:

"Anybody that votes for an amnesty bill deserves to be branded with a scarlet letter 'A,'" said Rep. Steve King of Iowa, referring to a guest worker provision in the Senate measure.

Brand someone with a scarlet A? Questions:

• What does the "A" stand for?
• How do you brand someone a color? This schmuck is just mixing references of which he knows nothing. Dingus...

dirty joke of the day

I heard this on a morning show:

Salads are stupid. Those little bean sprouts are like pubes off the Jolly Green Giant.

funny

Funniest picture ever.

student quote of the day (maybe week)

Today's quote isn't exactly a quote; it's more of a summary of a conversation I had with a student. I'll put the explanation before it for effect. The student is an Eastern European flirt with very rudimentary English who has not allowed her limited English to stop her from flirting with every guy in the ESL program. She's been dating another of my students, a Mexican muscle-boy whose language skills and social skills are...questionable. Anyway, they've been dating. She comes up to me this morning and says, "Mees-ter, me need to talk with you." After much wrangling around the topic, this is what emerged:

"Mr. C-----, will you dump my boyfriend for me?" --Z.S. Ten minutes into the next class, I was surprised by her boyfriend telling me that "She tell me you for say something for me." I told him it wasn't my business and I didn't care. Go back to class.

Oh, the humanity.

yech

I'm having a heckofa time finding appropriate material for teaching Romeo and Juliet to ESL students. How inane is an educational system that requires students to read this tripe that not even "American" kids care about?

Last night's premier of Teachers. was horrid. Not funny, not satiric, not farcical, just dumb.

student quote of the day

This isn't exactly a funny quote outside of its context, and it was a slow day at school.

"The teacher asked me where the room is because he went to the bathroom and forgot where he came from." -- A.O. telling me about the case of the old, forgetful substitute teacher.

stupid car

When I pulled out of the garage and started up the stree this morning, it sounded like a tank was rumbling through the neighbourhood. Once again, my muffler is screwy. I had to call MSLF and have her come pick me up, then I dropped her off and got here a little late, and later I have to go pick her up. I want to burn my car. Did I mention we washed the cars on Sunday and it's raining today?

A rose by any other name...

...still has thorns and costs a fortune.

I was just accused of being a racist by a student because I didn't want to look over an assignment he'd done at that very moment. It is maddening to have the students use the word "racist" so glibly, and it infuriates me to the point of being brash and brusque. Ignorance is rampant.

Anyone have any thoughts about the immigration reform protests or legislation going on?

wow wow wowie

This is... interesting. Craniopagus parasiticus is a rare birth defect (thank the stars!) that has all sorts of creative possibilities. Loneliness would be a thing of the past, if it developed enough.

saturday

So, fly fishing is fun. At least, I imagine it is. It's hard to gauge it by the experience I had on Saturday. To run through it:

• It was 32 degrees outside.
  
• It was snowing.
• The water was cold.
• It was snowing.
  
• I had to put my hands in the cold water.
  
• It was snowing.
  
• I didn't catch anything.
  
• I was told I looked like a pixie wearing my waders.
  
• It was f.ing snowing.

Beyond that, an utter blast!


Actually, it was stunningly gorgeous despite the snow, and it was immensely fun despite the snow. The friend who took me there ripped his rubber waders and nearly filled them with icy water, but managed to emerge with only numb toes. Seriously, dead numb.

confused

I'm not sure what to think of this comment by Andrew Sullivan:

The notion of religious freedom is simply not there for many Muslims, and this is allied, in some of the more backward parts of the world, with a pathological attraction to violence...I know there are moderate Muslims. I know that in Malaysia, Turkey, Indonesia and India, for example, these kinds of views are not common. I also know that it wasn't that long ago that Christians held similar views about heretics or Jews, and that today's fundamentalist Christianity is often supportive of the death penalty and torture. But that a religious faith contains this kind of fanatical intolerance and violence anywhere is disturbing. It's barbaric. And it is in the Middle East that this kind of theocratic fascism is ascendant. (Emphasis mine)

My first instinct is to nod my head and sigh, but then my gut tells me that there's more to it. As I've mentioned before, I'm daunted by the difficulty of separating my judgment from my Western and faithless perspective. Of course I find it repulsive that a man is condemned to death for converting to Christianity, but that's my "freedom of religion" perspective talking. A conservative Muslim must follow the precepts of his faith, and if that means killing a proselyte, who am I to stop them?

Okay, I'm just going to have to say it: at this moment I feel Islam should be wiped from the realm of human religions. I'll calm down soon and my bleeding, liberal heart will mend once again into a pseudo-sympathetic lump of muscle.

last day

Morning duty is officially over! Well, it's over for a little while, at least. Actually, now that I think about it, I don't think I have it again this year. Booyah!

It's funny to watch the buses unload. Funny in fascinating, not ha-ha. There are 5 buses in particular that interest me.

• The Hispanic buses. There are 2 of them which come from certain neighbourhoods of Lexington, and I think there's a grand total of perhaps 5 white kids who get off the bus.
• The African American bus. Most of the buses have a nice mix, but there's one that is ridden entirely by African American students.
• The Japanese bus. There's one bus that has 3 Japanese students. And that's it. Enormous bus, 3 students.
• The special education bus. This one takes the longest to unload.

It's easier to think of people in categories than as individuals. For example, I will always be a white US citizen. Regardless of how hard I try to pass myself off as something else, I will always be that in the sight of others. You can call me Captain Cracker.

student quote of the day

This came from an even-tempered, jocular student who is also quite blunt.

"Hey, you're still sleeping with my lady!" A.A. using "still" in a
sentence.

morning duty

I have a few moments to blog, so I will. Actually, I have 1/2 an hour to blog thanks to having bus duty outside. It's freezing out, so I'm sitting comfortably in my warm car listening to Glen Phillips, typing up an R&J quiz, and blogging. I really despise bus duty, especially in the afternoon. In the morning it's actually a nice little break before the onslaught of teen angst and hormones. A moment of repose while I watch the sun rise. The afternoon bites. Surrounded by hundreds of loud, boisterous, self-centered humans, I beg for quiet and for the final bus to hurry the heck up!

One of the perks of having morning duty is that I get to see what ESL students arrive. Later, I consult with my colleagues and we bust the leeches who ride the bus to school, eat breakfast and lunch, and skip all their classes. It's a highlight. Oh, and the usual suspects just arrived! Woo-hoo!

This Saturday I'm going fly fishing in southern KY with My Special Lady Friend and another pal. He's more experienced at it (meaning he's done it once) and is cool enough to help a novice out. It's supposed to be cold, but I have all the gear I should need to stay warm. I bought some chest waders earlier this week, and yes, I look like a total schmuck in them, but at least I'll be a warm schmuck. I'm excited.

I'm off to finish writing the vocab quiz before my duty ends. Happy thoughts to all my faithful and faithless readers.

yesterday's student quote

Forgot to post this yesterday.

"I did my homowork." --L.J., a "marble-mouthed" student who I'm fairly sure is dyslexic. Oh, and just so you know, I laughed out loud.

beautiful word

I was hit across the face with the perfect word to describe my bird-friend's song the past few mornings:

aubade: a song greeting the dawn

c'est la vie

It's only natural that on the morning that I'm going to sleep in and go to school 1/2 an hour late, my mother calls at 6:20.

more pictures

The promised (and long-awaited, I'm sure) pictures from Saturday.


I really like this one. There's a sense of inevitability and certainty. If you step off that stone, you will die. But there, calmly and stoically, the log rests.

The roar was deafening.

On the other side of the river, with the sun behind us, the light made rainbows in every plume of mist that exploded up from the falls.

Yours truly behind Eagle Falls.

student quote of the day

There are so many lovely moments in ESL.

"Mister, what is 'fuckwad?'" --E.G. asking me about something he heard on Family Guy.

weekend

So I'm stocked up to start fly fishing. I dropped a little more than I wanted, but I'm quite pleased with what I got. Now I just have to learn how to use it...

Some photos from the journey. There are more available on my Flickr page. There are some samples to the right.

Eagle Falls

A tree growing out of the rock next to the falls.

More to follow; blogger is being stupid.

changing tastes

I never thought that I would enjoy teaching Romeo and Juliet, but it's become the highlight of my year!

student quote of the day

An amazingly insightful observation. It's either brilliant commentary about the plight of students in public education today or the funniest mistake ever.

"We are hamburgers." --A.A. filling in a blank with "are" instead of "like."

birds

I woke to the sounds of birds this morning. When I took Maxx for a walk, there was a chubby little fellow perched on the crest of a house singing at the top of his lungs. I've never heard as grand a repertoire of songs as this fellow had; he mixed riffs with trills, whistles with growls, and he never repeated a one.

lots o' posting

Today is a day for posting, it would seem. I wasn't going to have the time to do it during my 4th block, but 2 students wouldn't stop talking and wouldn't follow simple requests, so I informed the class of their classwork and homework and am now blissfully looking at fly fishing equipment and blogging. Oh, and I tacked on some hardcore extra work to make sure it would keep them quiet for the rest of class. The 2 students still haven't moved seats, but they're being quiet. And they're snickering whenever I turn my back. And they're trading significant looks. Ah, the joys of being a teenager who thinks he's smarter and sneakier than all the teachers. What they don't realize is that a teacher, especially a young one, is nothing more than a fatter, sneakier student. For example, they think the work they're doing was planned. Nope. Completely adlibbed. One could say that a teacher is someone who has perfected the b.s.ing that is only beginning to be thrown about during adolescence, and I, my friends, have perfected it.

student quote of the day

It's moments like this that make it all worth it.

"I think Mr. C------- is a good teacher but a bad person." --D.G., a 10th grader in my Algebra I class.

substitution devolution

One of my colleagues has a substitute this week while she is conducting the same testing I was last week. I thought my fellow was bad. This woman was roaming the earth when the dinosaurs were still slimy tadpoles. My colleague was honestly afraid the woman was going to have a heart attack after walking in the door yesterday, such was the huffing and puffing and mopping of the brow. If ever you've seen The Emperor's New Groove, you've seen this poor woman.

Does this make me a bad person? No, everything else about me does....

2nd word of the day

Google is just dishing out the awesome words today! I can think of half a dozen less savory words to describe this condition, but I like this one most.

uxorious \uk-SOR-ee-us; ug-ZOR-\, adjective: Excessively fond of or submissive to a wife.

word of the day

This is by far the coolest word I've learned this week.

crapulous \KRAP-yuh-lus\, adjective:1. Suffering the effects of, or derived from, or suggestive of gross intemperance, especially in drinking; as, a crapulous stomach. 2. Marked by gross intemperance, especially in drinking; as, a crapulous old reprobate.

The storm is subsiding

triumphant return

Today
Monday the 13th sounds infinitely more menacing than Friday the 13th, something that I'm sure Jim Davis made note of at some point during Garfield's tired existence. I would have, if possible, followed the great cat's example this morning and beat the alarm clock into submission without ever having to remove my head from the warm cocoon of my couch-bed. Instead I tumbled out of bed and stumbled into the pink sunrise that seemed to hold the promise of a good day. Sunrise is such a cocktease.

It hasn't been a bad day, but it certainly hasn't been a dandy day. I spent a large portion of my planning period researching different ESL endorsement programs at state schools. Distance learning courses are essentialy my only option, but I'm having a bugger time finding out information about the availability of programs which can be completed entirely online. My alma mater is near the bottom on my list of wants, but it may prove to be my only resort.

My reading class was fun today. We're beginning to read an expurgated and paraphrased version of Romeo and Juliet that is almost as difficult to understand as the original. The editors chose odd bits and pieces from the original to include while going out of their way to make sure students know the meaning of the word "between." It was a lot of fun for me to describe the confrontation between the Montagues and Capulets at the beginning; at one point my explanation boiled down to "They want to kick their asses." It made the point. My fourth block class--a different section of the same class--didn't respond as excitedly, but they rarely do. It' s hard to work up any sort of excitement after a 1 o'clock lunch.

Yesterday
We drove back from NC in the morning. It was a frabjous day except for torrential rain as we neared home. There's a new Bass Pro in Tenn. that we stopped to see. The people going in and out of that monstruousity were fascinating and incredibly depressing to behold. As soon as I stepped in the door, I felt out of place. Dead animals crowded the walls, and children stopped to point and stare at beautiful creatures with glassy eyes. The greatest sin was a black bear stuffed and stood upright near the front door. He was standing near a BBQ sauce stand, and he was costumed in an apron and chef's hat. All I could do was stop and stare, and I had to leave immediately. What is it about human's and the attempt to capture and tame beauty and power? How can the people who did that justify killing a bear just to advertise a fucking BBQ sauce? Abominable.

A relaxing evening topped off with a very funny Simpsons and mediocre Family Guy. Oh, and Malcolm MacDowell on one of the bastardized Law and Orders.

Saturday
Glen Phillips at the Orange Peel was fun. He's a very smart man, and his banter was almost as fun as his acoustic set. He has a remarkable voice that soothes, and his demeanor relaxes as much as his music. There were, of course, groupies who annoyed, but it was okay. There were 75 people max, and that was lessened by 2 when one woman passed out during one of the opening acts and had to be taken out by an ambulance. Poor opener. The first opener was a group called Hope and Anchor, a local Asheville group who were unremarkable songwriters but an absolute blast to watch. Their songs were no longer than 2-3 minutes, and they sang harmony during each one, and it was utterly adorable and enchanting. I should've bought a cd...

The show was prefaced by a meal at the Cellar Door in Black Mountain, a fine dining experience focusing on Americana fare. My in-laws were preparing to celebrate an anniversary, so we decided to forgo cheesy gifts and just buy them a meal they would most certainly never have tried on their own. My meal was by far the best: Prince Edward Island mussels followed by a pan-seared duck breast with a cherry glaze on a bed of sweet potatoes. Incredible. I've never tasted a meat that was so tender, juicy, and flavorful all at once. Also, I didn't know that duck could be cooked to different levels of doneness. Since I didn't know which was best, I asked the chef to cook it to his recommendation, and he's a golden god. We also had potato and pepper stuffed mountain trout, mahi mahi, and a house fettuccini, all of which were quite good. I want to go visit my in-laws again.

We also got our taxes done. Bastard government.

Friday
Worked on my in-laws remodeling (definition: taking it down to the foundation and putting a new house up) and had a rather disappointing "game night." Bleh. Beautiful weather, though. In this pic of Montreat, my in-laws live just up the road about 100 yards past the building on the right.

Finished reading Life of Pi. Colossal disappointment.




Now
There's a thunderstorm outside my window, and the ligthning is flashing madly across the sky. It's a perfect night for madness.

light at the end of the tunnel

I only have 3 more students to test, but 2 of them will most likely not be here tomorrow (they had detention assigned for 2 days and didn't show up today), so I get to pawn them off on another teacher. I'm almost done! I've done my best to keep up with entering the score and data as I go along, but now I have essays to assess. They're god-awful.

My sub has been a horror story, so much so that I've moved my testing area up to the closet in my room so that I can keep an eye on him! He spent much of one class assuring the students who were giving completely wrong answers that it was okay because they were learning. I wanted to tell him, "Actually, them giving the wrong answer means they're not learning," but I have the feeling that he wouldn't detect the hostility. Oh, and brilliant do-gooder that he is, he decides to reward the students for "being so good to me" by handing out M&Ms and other sugar-loaded snacks. They were f.ing wired! Not pleased. What's funny is that even before I express my displeasure to other teachers, they approach me and say "I'm so sorry you have him. Isn't he horrible?" Old funky men.

Spring is in the air and with it the first hints of puppy love. I'm watching an ESL guy and US girl flirting like mad right now. What a sweet, cuddly moment. Sigh... I hate spring.

glen phillips

My special lady friend (MSLF) and I are going to Asheville this weekend to visit family, and through fortuitous timing, Glen Phillips will be playing a relatively rare East Coast gig on Saturday at the Orange Peel. Who says staying in touch with family doesn't have its advantages!

the simpsons go live

I would love to know who made this and where, because it's brilliant! I hope they never make a film, though, live action or other of our beloved Simpsons.

O Canada!

I love our neighbors to the north. They're cute, they're cuddly, and they're ready to please. For their latest contribution to society, they turned to Canada's favorite daughter (no, not Avril Lavigne), Margaret Atwood. I expect Canada to slide into the ocean any day now because of this.

return

My students are responding to a writing prompt, so I thought I might follow suit by writing to my own prompt: teaching. I only have about 5 minutes, so it may be short. Actually, considering how slowly they're writing, I may have an hour or two. I'm a little apprehensive about how they will perform on the language assessment scales next week, but not as much because my job depends on it as for my own confidence and gratification. I know that some of my students (2 leap to mind) won't improve at all on the scale, while I know of others who will likely jump from ESL 1 to 3 or 4. Naturally I don't consider myself the primary source of English for them, but I am still held accountable for their performance, both by my bosses and by myself.

It sounds like things went smoothly while I was out yesterday. The school didn't get a sub, though, so my fellow teachers had to cover for me. Fortunately I have small classes so it wasn't a problem, but it could have been a horrible experience. They behaved very well, according to the teachers, something for which I'm quite grateful and proud, though I'm not sure why I'm proud. (Uh-oh. The natives are finishing and getting restless. Quick, think of something to distract them!........................... Whew, that was close) Anyhoo, my students have been so incredibly good today, and I think it's partly because one of my colleagues who helped out was pretty strict with them. Just today I've had 3 students give me drawings they've done in class for me (one is a watercolor!). I won't pretend to not be incredibly flattered and touched, but neither will I pretend to myself that this represents the general mood. It's a little funny: there are 3 male ESL teachers, and we're all hated by the classes that we have but well-liked by the students in the other guys' classes! Funny how that works...

Okay, they're done writing about their favorite time of year. Gone.

dogs

I hate myself for posting smarmy quotes on my blog like so many other schmoes. In my defense, I expurgated the enormous document down to these few meaningful quotes.

Don't accept your dog's admiration as conclusive evidence that you are wonderful. - Ann Landers

The average dog is a nicer person than the average person. - Andy Rooney

Ever wonder if other dogs think poodles are members of a weird religious cult. - Rita Rudner

Ever consider what our dogs must think of us? We come back from a grocery store with the most amazing haul - chicken, pork, half a cow .They must think we're the
greatest hunters on earth! - Anne Tyler

You can say any foolish thing to a dog, and the dog will give you a look that says, 'My goodness, you're right! I never would've thought of that!' - Dave Barry

If you think dogs can't count, try putting three dog biscuits in your pocket and then giving Fido only two of them. - Phil Pastoret

My goal in life is to be as good of a person as my dog already thinks I am. - Unknown

okay then...

Well, my muffler gave up the ghost. I guess I get a day off because of it, but I'm still not happy about it.

A cat in the field behind out house just caught a mouse. The early cat gets the mouse, not the bird, thus destroying the great chain of life and proverbs.

Holy cow I think it's eating it right there in sight of all! Eewww.

beautiful state

I love living in KY, a state where good ol' boys deal drugs and become heroic legends. This is by far the funniest story I've read in a while! And, I'm almost ashamed to say, I'm rooting for him! Anyone that can do this gets my kudos. It's worth going to the Lexington Herald-Leader site just to see the picture of the guy and read the unedited version of the article.

Eluding the law, not the media
SUSPECTED DRUG DEALER ON THE RUN FOR MONTHS

JACKSON - Police have swarmed up and down a narrow dirt road in southern Breathitt County. Low-flying helicopters have circled. Dogs have hunted. Homes have been searched. But police haven't found Eddie Arnold Baker Sr. since he disappeared into the woods after Operation UNITE detectives shot at him during a drug bust on Jan. 19.

Reporters, on the other hand, seem to have no trouble contacting Baker, 53, described by authorities as one of the largest drug dealers in Eastern Kentucky. In a video sent to the media, Baker spent hours in the daylight outside his home re-enacting what he says happened. Last week, a Lexington TV reporter interviewed Baker just steps from his home. Baker has appeared in a front-page photo of the Jackson Times, holding a copy of the paper with the headline "WANTED."
On Monday, Baker called a Herald-Leader reporter an hour after she left her phone number with a relative. Baker said he had watched the reporter, who talked to neighbors and knocked on the door of his home, from a spot in the woods.

Baker's secret in remaining free: He says he's living in caves and hiding among the trees that surround his home on Strongs Branch Road in southern Breathitt County.

"I know these woods. I was born and raised here," Baker said in a telephone interview Monday. He said he doesn't think police can catch him.

Police contend that someone is helping Baker, who was convicted on drug charges in the '90s. Baker has been clean and neat in his media appearances, not exactly the look of a man who has been living in a cave for more than a month.

With Baker spending so much time out in the open and claiming he hasn't left the view of his home, many wonder why police haven't caught him. And the longer Baker remains on the run, the more some residents in Breathitt County say they support him for outsmarting law enforcement officials they describe as corrupt.

"There's good cops, but there's more bad cops than good cops around here," said Fred Allen, 50, of Jackson. Pausing briefly from his work of sweeping sidewalks in downtown Jackson, Allen leaned on his broom as he spoke about Baker.

"He's a fine fellow. I've known him a long time," Allen said. "I say they'll never catch
him."

Kentucky State Police officials, who are leading the search for Baker,
aren't offering any explanations about why they haven't arrested him. They also
refuse to answer questions about the case, saying it is an open investigation.

Search has lasted a month

The search for Baker began more than a month ago, when several law enforcement agencies, including state police and UNITE, tried to serve a search warrant on Baker and his son, Eddie Arnold Baker Jr., 31, who lives next door to his father on Strongs Branch Road in the Barwick community of Breathitt County....Baker Sr. drove 1,000 yards down Strongs Branch before heading up a creek, where his truck got stuck. He ran into the mountains -- and for more than a month he has been playing hide-and-seek with police.

After Baker escaped, authorities searched his property where they confiscated more than $132,000 in pills, including OxyContin; $17,432 in cash; several stolen four-wheelers, including one that belonged to the Perry County coroner; and $20,000 worth of building materials stolen from the Buckhorn Children's Home, according to a news release from UNITE.

A hero of sorts

Many Breathitt Countians -- who chatted about Baker in coffee shops and gas stations on Monday -- said they view Baker as a hero of sorts.

Recently a group tacked up "Baker for Sheriff" signs around town. City officials quickly took them down.

"I've never heard nothing bad said about Eddie in this door," said Addie Turner, the manager of Chavies Food Mart in Perry County near the Breathitt County line. "If he and his wife called me for help, I would go. No questions asked." Baker's wife Debbie Sue Baker once worked at the Food Mart with Turner.

Although some residents joke about the inability of police to arrest Baker, others are worried about him. "More or less, people are concerned that something bad is going to happen to him," said Food Mart clerk Sarah Davidson.

But there are residents who want to see Baker behind bars. Plenty of them, said Ron Hamblin, publisher of the KY Mountain News, which has published only a few stories on Baker because it doesn't want to encourage his behavior. "For the most part people want to get rid of these guys, the big drug dealers," Hamblin said. "But they're afraid."

In Breathitt County, if you are not involved with drugs, you know someone who is, Hamblin said. And turning a drug dealer in to police in such a small town, where everybody knows everybody, can have serious consequences. "UNITE is doing all they can to clean this county up," Hamblin said. "It's hard enough to get rid of the drugs in this county.